Monday, October 25, 2010

The Never-Ending Scene Blogfest

Brenda Drake is hosting an intriguing blogfest called The Never-Ending Scene Blogfest. The challenge is to post a 500 word scene that ends with a cliff hanger.  So, I've chosen a scene from my WIP, Haven. Here is my entry to the blogfest, hope you enjoy:

* * *

Without waiting for the woman to pay any more attention to me, I push off the wall and charge toward the exit. I knock her to the ground as I bolt outside. A vast wilderness greets me. Aged trees with flaking bark tower over me.

I’m not going to stop to find out where I am. I keep heading in the only direction that makes sense, away from the deranged psychopath with the needle. Rain buckets down, but that’s not going to stop me. Branches claw me as I push through the foliage.

A twig snaps behind me. Whoever was at the door must be up and chasing after me.

A low inhuman growl wafts across the field. There's something else out here. The mud squelches as it approaches. I hate my life.

I force myself to my feet and run. There's only one thought in my head, and that's to get the hell out of here. The creature's roar echoes around me.

I turn my head. My feet catch on a twisted tree root and send me crashing to the muddy earth.

I strain my eyes trying to see whatever's out here stalking me. The rain obscures my vision. Briefly, I catch a glimpse of it between the trees. A warped, misshapen creature caught somewhere between a man and a wolf. Jagged silver quills protrude all over its body like a pincushion. Its glowing yellow eyes are smouldering beacons in the darkness.

It takes half a second for the terror to hit. I bolt.

Its warm breath brushes the back of my neck. I run faster, trying not to slip in the mud. No matter how quick I move, it's right there behind me. It's toying with me. This is how the poor girl in those horror movies must feel.

Every muscle aches. The icy air rushes painfully into my lungs. What's the worst that can happen if I just stop and play dead right here? The creature utters another bowel-shaking roar, but it doesn’t come from behind me.

A building comes into view. Out here in this wilderness I would have expected a small hut, but it looks like a decaying house, and the closer I get, the more buildings come into view. I skid to a stop and dart my gaze around, trying to find the creature.

Everywhere I look, things are ancient and withered. Nature has crept over man’s artifice, strangling some houses with foliage. Others have collapsed under the pressure of disuse.

The disturbing graveyard of a town pales in comparison to the massive stone edifice crouched behind it. A gothic structure built out of dark grey bricks. Vines claw their way up its sides as if trying to drag the towering megalith down into the very earth on which it rests. Tall spires erupt from the rooftop at bizarre angles, seemingly without reason. Even in the growing daylight, the building remains darkly ominous.

A tall fence constructed of the same dark bricks surrounds the massive structure, with iron spikes on top that stretches towards the heavens.

“Welcome to Haven,” a voice whispers in my ear just before I’m hit from behind and darkness takes me over once again.

36 comments:

Rachel Morgan said...

Wow, that last line is super creepy!

I would definitely turn the page if it was there to turn!

Rachel Morgan said...

PS. I really like the look of your blog, and HAVEN sounds like an awesome novel!

Kristina Fugate said...

This is so chilling! I love the voice. You really get a feel for the fear and urgency.

Renae said...

Well done, I wasn't ready to stop!

J.C. Martin said...

Oh wow, a werewolf, a maniac with a needle, a ghost town, a creepy manor, all in 500 words! Loved it! My fave line: "Vines claw their way up its sides as if trying to drag the towering megalith down into the very earth on which it rests." Very descriptive!

Francine said...

Hi,

Very atmospheric and great descriptions - leaving reader in no doubt this is not a good place to be! If there was more I'd be reading on. ;)

best
F

Gabriela Lessa said...

Creepy! Quite a cliffhanger! Great post, Cheree!

Mary Jo said...

Dark and ominous, yet quickly paced. Great job! I also love the title!

Jodi Henry said...

I love all the element you have in such a short piece as J.C pointed out. Great last line too.

Thanks for the read

Joid

Gale Martin said...

Last line is really potent. Love the play on words! Good luck.

Tara said...

A definite cliffhanger of a scene!

Shallee said...

Great cliffhanger, and very intense scene all around. Very nice, thanks for sharing!

Kerri C at CK Farm said...

Nice Job!! That last sentence sure packs a punch!

Tina Lynn said...

Well, you simply can't get more cliff-hangery than that. Nice!

Bree said...

Great set-up for the cliff hanger all the way down through! Loved the descriptive words you chose and I'm wishing there was a page for me to turn!

Great job and good luck!

Brenda Drake said...

Thanks for participating! We've judged your entry. o/\o *high five*

Stephanie said...

Great scene!! Love the end!

My only critique, if you want it, is in the 5th paragraph, it starts: "I force myself to my feet and run." I wasn't aware that the MC had fallen.

Marieke said...

Dark, intriguing!

Nikki said...

Good job! Lots of intensity and a excellent last line.

Jennifer Hoffine said...

I like your use of ruins with the fantasy. Nice. Thanks for sharing!

erica and christy said...

First, I love your blog's design and the name of your novel. Very nice excerpt! Leaves me wanting more! christy

JEFritz said...

Exciting and creepy, and it has a nice quick pace to it. There were a couple of word choices I didn't get (pressure of disuse...pressure?) but it's fun to read. Haven does not sound like a very nice place.

Dawn Embers said...

Ah, the darkness that takes over cliffhanger. Well done. It has a decent amount of excitement while still managing to get in description. The character is definitely having a rough day. I liked the line about the girl in the horror movies as that simple line can paint a wide picture. Good work on this entry.

Christopher S. Ledbetter said...

Ooooh... fulll of tension! Nicely done. Anytime you get hit from behind, it's a bad day!

Roland D. Yeomans said...

It is indeed full of atmosphere, tension, and great descriptions. Great job of grabbing our attention and not letting go.

E. Arroyo said...

Ooo creepy. Great tension and visuals. Nice job!

gideon 86 said...

Intense, descriptive, scary ... What happens next?


Michael D.

Wendy Tyler Ryan said...

Very nice writing indeed. Well written, lots of atmosphere. You can feel the MC's fear.

Rachael Harrie said...

Really enjoyed this, great cliffhanger!

Wonderful to meet another Aussie YA Horror writer, there's not that many of us around!!! Hope we can stay in touch :)

Rach

Jessie said...

very nice writing! the present tense makes it very immediate and your cliffhanger is thrilling.

Jennie Bailey said...

Great sense of urgency in your writing. We're right there running with your character! Excellent build-up and cliffhanger!!

Raquel Byrnes said...

Love your details and how you use the setting and weather to create mood. Great job.
Edge of Your Seat Romance

Erica said...

That was great, the descriptions were spot on. I'm loving all the creepiness of these entries! Really pumping me up for Halloween : )

Jennifer Hillier said...

I love the way you write. Wonderful imagery here!

Donna Hole said...

"This is how the poor girl in those horror movies must feel."

So real.

A great chase scene. And that last line sent goose bumps up my back.

.......dhole

DLCurran said...

Oh I loved that last line - gave me goosebumps!

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