Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Terror Tuesday Blogfest

Today's blogfest is hosted by Mary McDonald and as the name suggests, it's a challenge to post a scene that gets the heart racing.

So, here's my scene (I hope it incorporates the feeling of terror). My character has just been kidnapped and she wakes up in a little hut. My MC has no idea what's happening to her, but the other character, the doctor, thinks this is just a normal routine.

  • I jolt awake. Sitting up, I feel the rough wooden floor beneath me, and rub my aching temple. My eyes dart around my new surroundings. I try to focus but all I get is a blurry vision of an empty room. And, I mean empty. There’s not even a chair or bed or any furniture. There’s only one door and no windows

    I push myself off the ground and stumble towards the door. Gripping the handle to keep myself up, I try turning it, but it won’t budge.

    Footsteps sound outside, coming to a stop in front of the door. I watch as the handle turns and the door open. I rush from the door and push myself into the furthest corner of my cell.

    A woman enters the room, her hazel eyes fixing on me. Her long brown hair falls in curls over her thin olive face. Her long white lab coat swirls as she moves into the room, revealing the light blue v-neck tee shirt and faded jeans she has on beneath it. “So, you’re finally awake.” She moves towards me beaming a big friendly smile. Her entire presences projects warm and cuddly medical expert. Except, that is, for the gleaming syringe clutched in her right hand.

    I press my way further into the corner, striving to melt through the tough wooden wall and escape. Doesn’t seem to be working.

    “Don’t worry, this won’t hurt a bit.” She reaches and grabs my flailing arm. “Honestly, why are you all such babies when it comes to a little pin prick?”

    Struggling against her iron grip, I watch helplessly as the needle sinks into my arm and the small vial on its end fill with blood.

    “Relax, it’s just a few routine tests, then you’re on your way.” She removes the sample cartridge from the needle and, placing it in a small plastic bag, stows it in her lab coat. Leaning in close to me, she places her fingers either side of my chin and gingerly turns my head from one side to the other. “They really should have brought you to me sooner.”

    “What do you want with me?” I manage to spit out.

    Still clutching my chin she stares me in the eyes. “You’re different from the others. Something’s off.”

    “Please, I don’t want to die,” I whisper. Tears blurs my vision.

    She lets go of me and takes a step backward. She removes a mobile phone from her pocket and starts dialling a number. After a few moments of silence she finally says, “We have a situation here.”

    'Just take care of it like you would any other. I hear the other side of the conversation clearly as if they’re both standing in front of me.'

    “Don’t you know what you’re asking?” The woman gives me a quick look before turning around to face the door. The ‘still’ open door.

    'It wouldn’t be in your best interest to report this.'

    Without waiting for the woman to pay any more attention to me, I push off the wall and charge toward the open door. I knock her to the ground as I bolt outside. A vast wilderness greets me. Aged trees with flaking bark towers over me.

    I’m not going to stop to find out where I am. I keep heading in the only direction that makes sense, away from the deranged psychopath with the needle. Rain buckets down, but that’s not going to stop me. Branches claw me as I push through the foliage.

    A twig snaps behind me. Whoever was at the door must be up and chasing after me.

    A low inhuman growl wafts across the field. There's something else out here. The mud squelches as it approaches. They left me, and now there's something out here. I hate my life.

    I force myself to my feet and run in the direction that makes the most sense, away from that thing. There's only one thought in my head, and that's to get the hell out of here. The creature's roar echoes around me.

    I turn my head. My feet catch on a twisted tree root and send me crashing to the muddy earth.

    I strain my eyes trying to see whatever's out here stalking me. The rain obscures my vision. Briefly, I catch a glimpse of it between the trees. A warped, misshaped creature caught somewhere between a man and a wolf. Jagged silver quills protrude all over its body like a ball of spikes ready to burst at any moment. Its glowing yellow eyes are smouldering beacons in the darkness.

    It takes half a second for the terror to hit. I bolt.

    Its warm breath brushes the back of my neck. I run faster, trying not to slip in the mud. No matter how quick I move, it's right there behind me. It's toying with me. This is how the poor girl in those horror movies must feel.

    Every muscle aches. The icy air rushes painfully into my lungs. What's the worst that can happen if I just stop and play dead right here? The creature utters another bowel-shaking roar. I take that back, it would be very, very bad. I don't want to die here.

    A building comes into view. Out here among this wilderness I would have expected a small hut, but it looks like a decaying house, and the closer I get more buildings come into view. I skid to a stop and look around, my breathing is erratic and I can’t even hear the wind above my heartbeat.

    Every place looks ancient and withered. Nature creeps slowly, strangling some places with foliage. Others have collapsed under the pressure of disuse.

    The disturbing graveyard of a town pales in comparison to the massive stone edifice crouched behind it. A gothic structure constructed out of dark grey bricks. Vines claw their way up its sides as if trying to drag the towering megalith down into the very earth on which it rests. Tall spires erupt from the rooftop at bizarre angles seemingly without reason. Even in the growing daylight, the building remains darkly ominous. The spattering of crows circling above doesn’t do much to lessen the air of menace.

    A tall gate constructed of the same dark bricks surrounds the massive structure, with iron spikes on top that stretches towards the heavens.

    “Welcome to Haven,” a voice whispers in my ear before I’m hit from behind and darkness takes over me once again.

Hope you liked it.


Anonymous said...

I really like this. Very suspenseful and beautifully written.

Delia Moran said...

Loved your description, particularly the ivy trying to bring down the building. Very vivid.

Unknown said...

Gosh,that was a wild run the forest! Everyone is leaving us hanging, but that's a good thing. lol. I especially loved this description: ~Its glowing yellow eyes are smouldering beacons in the darkness.~

Very scary! Thanks for participating in my blogfest! :-)

Beth Zimmerman said...

Yikes! Definitely felt the tension and terror! Well written piece!

Theresa Milstein said...

This poor person doesn't know whom to trust. There seem to be a lot of enemies. And even more unanswered questions. I enjoyed it.

sarahjayne smythe said...

Great imagery here. This is a lovely piece that does a great job of building tension.

Erica Mitchell said...

Really great tension, and great pacing. Definately has the element of terror! Very cool descriptions throughout.

Erin Kane Spock said...

You can feel how fast her heart was thumping in her chest. Good portrayal of fear and desperation.

dolorah said...

Yeah I liked it. Excellent pacing and voice. So intense, all the way to the bottom.


LR said...

Truly nightmarish. I love your descriptions and the last line. Great.

Talei said...

That was scary, I liked it. I esp liked the half-man half wolf chasing her through the woods and the ending!

Janet Johnson said...

Very scary. Good writing!

Found you at Renae's blog. :)

Ju Dimello said...

Got here from the title blogfest :) But found various other exciting entries to read as well!!

Loved the excerpt.. Though I normally dont prefer reading present tense, this kept me hooked !

Great piece :)

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